Friday, July 2

Me Myself & I

Learning a lot about myself these days, I guess it's one of those years, 2010 has been my year for growth, wisdom, life lessons and eye openers.
Relationships have always been something that I have constantly struggled with, being in long term relationships one after the other since I was 15, other relationships such as family and the big issues has always been friends.
These days my relationships have been stronger than ever, I have a best friend, whom I love like no tomorrow, we always joke that we're each others soul mates, and we should eventually just marry each other. It's true. We make each other happy, like no one else could... what else can I say, she beats my drum hard ;]
I value my friendships, and cherish the ones that are two ways, and I've learnt how to prevent myself from being hurt from those that don't. It's true what they say, that the most memorable life lessons are sometimes the most painful, because they are the ones you vow to yourself to never repeat the same mistake again.

A recent learning curve I've experience is beginning to be able to reflect, and see my self-worth. I used to be the type of person who regarded myself as an independent person, but really wasn't. I needed someone there, to love me, to nurture me, to value me. I realise now I don't need that anymore.
I am me, I am an independent woman, and I do what I want, because I want to, and because it's what I love, and I don't need to explain my actions to anyone, it's my life, and I have realised I am living for me, and no one else.

I updated my facebook status the other day, but facebook has a character limit. I couldn't fully express what was really on my mind, so I'm going to put it here on my blog.
This entry isn't in anyway meant to be spiteful or hurtful, but for me, an empowerment of how far I have come as a young woman, and how I feelI am growing into a strong independent woman. People have always claimed I am beyond my years, I guess I now understand what they mean.


you can't expect to have me in your life when it suits you, i won't come running when you call. i value myself too much to put myself through it anymore. i tried being there, through everything, but it just won't work.. you can't build a relationship this way.
i'm a different woman to how i was before, i'm stronger, smarter & have come to realise that i deserve better than second best.
i deserve the world, and at one stage, you were mine. but i was foolish to think that standing by you one day, maybe i'd be yours. but now you've realised that it's too late... it's a shame, because what we had, was something special.
you'll always have a place in my heart, but i've realised that my heart belongs to me.


A song i've always really loved, and has always spoken to me is Beyonce's "Me, Myself & I" ... I guess I finally truly understand what these lyrics mean.

Monday, June 21

Everything Happens For A Reason

Life has been good for me lately... I've just finished my exams (fingers crossed I did okay), coming up to a new term at Pole Divas - in which I'm very excited to be challenged even further, ordered - received and mounted my new XPOLE, been catch up with the BCCS Girls, rekindling friendships and living each day finding something new in myself as a person and as a strong independent woman.

Today has been one of those days where you realize that life isn't always a box of chocolates, and I've had those moments, where life isn't going the way you want it to. You just want a sign from the one above that everything will be okay, but you feel alone, worried and confused. Why is it happening to me? What did I do? etc. etc.
I've had an interest in quotes lately, thoughts from those many years ago, whose perspective is so knowledgeable that you can't help but live life by them. The most recent one I came across today spoke bells to current situations I know others are going through... and has had an adverse way to how I look at life.
I've always been one to live every moment to the fullest, to speak truths, enjoy my every passion and desire and to always strive for nothing but the best, because I believe, that is what I deserve... and to earn everything I believe I deserve in the process.

It saddens me that life will eventually end, as we all know, that good things must come to an end. But for some, the ending is too soon... fortunately for me I've never experience a loss of someone close to me, have come quite close, and the fear alone, frightens me to my very core, but I have been lucky enough to have never been struck.
I have always been a follower of God, in my younger years much more loyal than I am now, but I still believe His presence is still all around. This side of me many people don't know, or don't understand because I am the way I am. I'm loud, ambitious, bitchy, confident, sexual and extroverted. But that's the way I am, it's the way He made me.
I believe, as fkd up as it may be, that everything happens for a reason... as twisted as reasons may be, I live my life by the theory, that there is a purpose for how life turns out.
My thoughts are with those who are going through tough times <3


It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


Saturday, May 29

Life

Life is a little complex at the moment, but I'm reasonably happy... when I think about the positives though, it makes me smile.

Pole Dancing
So three weeks ago I decided to take the leap and enroll into pole dancing @ Pole Divas and I LOVE IT! Seriously addicted to everything about it. I'm currently saving up and making room in my bedroom to be able to get my own pole... and I should have it by the end of my exams! :]
My plan is to get to the highest levels... trust me that's going to take a while. But no pain no gain!
Another thing I love about pole is the excuse to buy new things! Cute pole skirts and fabulous pole heels! My first addiction to my pole shoe collection were neon pink uv... and of course, I ordered a purple tinted pair that are being shipped all the way from the US just for me :)



My BFF
Recently Jenna and myself took a road trip back to her home town Griffith. Jen and I have been friends for nearly three years now, and she's always constantly talked about home and it was so good to be able to finally understand and know where she grew up. Roadtrip itself was a blast... and reinforced our friendship and love for each other even more. This girl is my sister now, till the end and forever. <3
Full of sugar, maccas and music we grew up on like BSB, NSync, BWitched, MJ, 5ive, Britney and Celine... this made the 5-6 hour drive feel like nothing.
Griffith is a small town, with not much to do, but Jen and I drunk our way through it and survived, haha. We went out dancing, showing the Griffians how we do it Melbourne style, had Tara's birthday, which was a good night, and man, do Italian/Phillipino's know how to eat! Speaking of eating. That's one thing Jen and I know how to do... is eat!
Will always cherish the memories from our first roadtrip babe, and I love you a million purple things *kisses & cuddles*








Friends
I've always been one to try and surround myself with good people, those who make me smile, are there for me when I need them and who not only give as much as I do, but take what they deserve.
My Tabcorp girls are ones that always make me smile, and have the best of times with them, unfortunately due to our hectic uni schedules at the moment, as well as juggling work and our own personal lives it's been hard to catch up, but we'll get there.
Then there's the BCCS girls, Khrissa, Clare & Sheryl. Had a really good night out promoting Cupcake Central @ Studio Saturdays the other week... but for some reason asian's don't understand the concept of FREE, either that or they were skeptical that we were trying to sell them something lol! Last night I caught up with my twin, KDB, has a good gossip over some food and drinks then took some cake back to Moo Moo's house where we crashed her and Dhillion's romantic roast hehe. the more the merrier right? =P
K and Moo have been in my life for a while now, but we've never been close, but we're getting there. We're all very similiar, yet different, and I think that's why we enjoy our time together. Either that or I'm delusion.. but I think they feel the same :X
But honestly, these girls are my older sisters of our BCCS, and even though they're easties... I love em to pieces ;]



Career
As some of you may know I left Tabcorp Park in pursuit of other event opportunities. Unfortunately those opportunities haven't been working out... so now I'm moving on, yet again.
My new home away from home I'm loving, and have already been introduced into the Events, which I love. Loving the people I'm working with, such a nice crowd and personalities to boot. Lets cross those fingers that my career will take off a little faster than it did previously. =]



that's all for the moment, <3

love or loathe

there are some in which the following i question and subsequently make me feel a certain way...

betrayal

naive

anger

hurt

deception

lies

bitter

annoyed




then there are some that are unconditional, in the way i feel to them, and them to me...

love

understanding

kindness

sympathy

happiness

laughter

friendship

loyalty


to those who know who they are. i love you. you will always have a place in my heart.
to those that continuously hurt me, i've opened my eyes... no longer will i make excuses for you.

 
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