empty

a somber feeling lurks inside my soul. i can't seem to find any reasoning for life, or for love, or for anything joyous. a mood that i have never felt before aches in my heart, and chills run through my bones as i yearn for a meaning to what we call life... a reasoning for things to happen the way they do, why, how, who.

i've always been a believer in everything happens for a reason. but what if those reasons never come? what if looking on the bright side only makes you naive to what may be creeping in the darkness behind you? good things come to those who wait, they say. sometimes they just never come. what if you wait and wait, only to realise that you should have gone in a different direction?
the question we have throughout life, the sliding door effect, the what if's, why's, maybe's.
when life takes you on a path, one that is meant to be your destiny. perhaps you trailed off the path and destiny just doesn't give a fuck anymore. there you are, wandering. aimlessly. lost. with no compass, no sense of direction. just "free"... well buddy, you're fucked. and you don't even know it.

until life throws you a rock, in which you fall. you get back up and bang it hits you like a ton of bricks... you have no destiny. where is your future? where are you going?
i'm torn up inside. and can't find the happiness or joy that is usually bubbled up inside me.
today is a dark day. and i have no reason as to why....

just a quick note

getting ready for work but there's something on my mind...

ever notice that those closest to you are the ones that have the most potential to hurt you?
the past year has been one of the hardest of my life. problems with family, boyfriends, best friends and work really shows you where peoples loyalties lie, and it's true. as you grow up you don't loose friends, you just find out who the close one's are, and those who really care are the one's that stand by you, the one's you can cry to and the one's who don't go behind your back, hide things from you or even deceive you, even though the don't feel like they're doing anything wrong, you feel like they're choosing someone else over you.
i've become closer to some beautiful people, and distant with those i believe i am better off without. but life is full of surprises, and i am constantly surprised at how surprised i can still be. i've already done my makeup so let's suppress those tears, but it hurts.
there's one person who is in my life i could not live without, and that's jenna. she's always been there for me, and even though she doesn't answer the phone a majority of the time, she is my number two. the one who always understands what i'm thinking and the one who shares the same heart as me. i love you babe. and fuck you, made me cry LOL
and then there's someone else, who even if i don't have a lot of contact with i know in my heart you're still with me. has changed my life in ways they wouldn't even know and who's wise words stick with me through my daily life. i love you.

and just the same way lady gaga said on wednesday night, fuck you to all those who don't know me, i'd rather die drinking with those who love me and are there for me, than die drinking alone, or with those who constantly deceive me.

i am, and i always will be... theee mizzmai. love me or hate me, i will always be me...

abdc season 5

so we're onto week 5 now and i need to share, for those who haven't been following the crew's that i'm loving.

regionals
blueprint cru (east)


saltare (east) - blew me away. wow


poreotix (west) - definitely unique. and adorable, everytime i see it makes me smile! rep'n the asians!


week one
saltare


static noyze - slightly biased coz i love this song, but i like their theatrical style too


week three LADY GAGA CHALLENGE!
blueprint cru - has become one of my favorite routines of all time in abdc history!!


week five
jungle boogie


poreotix


blueprint cru



mizzmai says: BLUEPRINT CRU OR POREOTIX FTW!!

HELLO! MizzMAI is still alive!

so the only person to convince me in this whole world to do everything i don't want to do told me to update. so i am... she knows who she is *shakes fist*

wow, it's been forever and a half since my last update what's been going on you say?

hrmmm so my last humungo update was in january... two months what's been happening. my memory is kinda shot so in no particular order!

black betty is currently under re-construction. found a strange black misty dot in the centre of my screen, thought it was a dead pixel until i realised that it came out when i uploaded in my photos. hrmmm so not cool. missing out on photowhoring moments with the BCCS ladies and also Lady Gaga tomorrow night. tre excitement for her!

have officially left Tabcorp Park and acquired a new FT job at a gorgeous place called the Boulevard... trying to find the balance of FT work and FT uni is so hard... the stress has been getting to me lately and i feel like i have no time for myself, but have some getaways soon so that should be exciting. the month of april may be the month of regular updates again! you never know ;D
i'm really hoping that this new jobs sends me in a new direction in regards to where i plan to head into my career... i have doubts at times whether it will but i think that is more in regards to the servicing aspect of the day to day running of the venue. obviously i need to know it if i plan to do other things in regards, it's just so tedious ><" last week went to the L'Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival Beauty Workshop, was a good experience, don't know if i'd plan to go again, the goody bag wasn't as good-ious as expected, and most of the things that Rae Morris, taught was previously absorbed when we went to IMATS last year... but hanging out with Lynh, Trang, Sheryl (miss Cupcake Central herself) and JJ was a good girls day out. Still sad that my JenJen wasn't there :( Stupid Dragon Lady.
Lynh, Trang and Myself also headed to Chaddy later. i got a really cute lilac pastal matte nail polish, saw a certain person - making awkward moments even more awkward LOL and tempted to buy lots of things but resisted. (although i am going back because i keep thinking about these wayne cooper shoes... so that's not really resisting is it? hrmmm :P)
twas also the day i got raped by the sofitel $40 parking. fml, cost me more than my damn ticket. oh well live and you learn, expensive day, i went to Toni & Guy in the morning and got my hair done by Sarah, whom i loveee... but she's been promo'd to senior technician, increase in price but i don't care, it's hard to find someone i can trust with my hair, so i'ma sticking.

oh oh! our first ever Bloggers Cupcake Sorority meet.
Myself, Trang, Lynh, Clare, Khrissa, Sheryl, Jenna and Stacey all went for dinner at Medici's in Docklands. a great night full of laughs, entertainment, randomness (men facinated by a mysterious white box and mizzmai/trangalang catching pt home?) we've decided it was so good we're making it a regular occurance! our next BCCS adventure is Costco and South Wharf! going to shop till we drop and stock up on bulk tampons :D that's how we roll!!

uhhh i think that's all for the moment. oh wait, i bought the hottest pair of suede boots, a berry-purple they're knee high and were so affordable. :D loves them!

oh so back to uni as previously mentioned. i think what i'm finding so difficult about this year is the fact that before receiving my new FT job i was, and still am determined to do the best i can this year... nearly at the end of my course and i'm aiming high, maybe too high, but at least i can't look back and say i coulda done better (like i did with VCE).
it's raping me in the ass, and i hate it, but in the end i know i'll love it. so i'ma take it.


oh and JUSTIN BIEBER!
what a cutey.

so update soon... mmm maybe. LADY GAGA TOMORO NIGHT. EXCITEMENT!