empty

a somber feeling lurks inside my soul. i can't seem to find any reasoning for life, or for love, or for anything joyous. a mood that i have never felt before aches in my heart, and chills run through my bones as i yearn for a meaning to what we call life... a reasoning for things to happen the way they do, why, how, who.

i've always been a believer in everything happens for a reason. but what if those reasons never come? what if looking on the bright side only makes you naive to what may be creeping in the darkness behind you? good things come to those who wait, they say. sometimes they just never come. what if you wait and wait, only to realise that you should have gone in a different direction?
the question we have throughout life, the sliding door effect, the what if's, why's, maybe's.
when life takes you on a path, one that is meant to be your destiny. perhaps you trailed off the path and destiny just doesn't give a fuck anymore. there you are, wandering. aimlessly. lost. with no compass, no sense of direction. just "free"... well buddy, you're fucked. and you don't even know it.

until life throws you a rock, in which you fall. you get back up and bang it hits you like a ton of bricks... you have no destiny. where is your future? where are you going?
i'm torn up inside. and can't find the happiness or joy that is usually bubbled up inside me.
today is a dark day. and i have no reason as to why....