*sigh

So today... successfully the most aggravating and biggest fuck up of my life day.
Don't ask me how, but this morning I successfully had an epic fail when I was parking at work and hit the accelerator too hard, ramming my car into the stone wall in front of me, deploying my airbag, smashing my front left indicator, cracking my front bumper and my number plate is now sitting in my back seat.
Sasha now smells like smoke, from the airbag being deployed, and i am wondering how the fk i'm meant to fix this s.o.b. Thinking of getting a new car, but the money? Pfffttt. Loan it would be. Even to get my insurance involved and Sasha fixed would be at least a thousand.
Came home tonight after work hoping to get some comfort from my father, but no. What would possess me to think that I would, all he's doing at the moment is telling me to get my shit sorted, or else I'm going to get fined for having no number plate, and as usual, salt is rubbed into my wounds.
I was so shaky at work today I could hardly do anything right, my mind was on a different planet.
Now I sit in my room feeling all alone, yeah, it's not the end of the world, but lately I feel really alone. Jenna moved to Griffith and moved back but I've hardly heard from her, so I don't know what's going on. Miss K moved to Sydney, and just like Trang mentioned in her latest post, even if you don't get to see them that often, the thought of note being able to see them as frequently as you might like makes you miss them even more. And for some reason, I've been going through a lot of shit lately, and she's the one I want to turn to...
I always know I should save for emergencies, and I've tried... but haven't succeeded. Now is one of those times where I wonder where my life is going and what the fk I'm actually doing... now is one of those times I doubt everything about myself.

It's Been A While..

I apologise for the neglect. I am lazy. You should know this. Plus I am busy. You also know this. :P
What's news since July 14th? Hrmmm


Cupcake Central VIP Tasting Night
Was a good night... yummy cupcakes, BCCS Class Photo, business chats, and in the end, drinks with the Chi Lounge Boys, and dancing with my BFF & a googly eyed Trangalang (LOL @ these shots are yummy)

Griffith Trip #2
Once again a trip to the G-Town with my BFF Miss Rang herself, Jen <3
Memorable Moments;

• Taking before pics on the Friday night and Mama JC saying "That's not a good one, Mai has one eye closed" teheh
• Macca's 3 days in a row :Z Thursday dinner, Friday dinner, Saturday breaky - never again... i broke out by the end of the trip... and i NEVER break out. gah!
• Bying 50ml shotties from Safeway... then trying to do quick fucks... fail... then trying to shot 50ml shotties... fail
• J-Ron buying me a kfc snack box coz he thought i hadn't eaten all day ... such love
  
• Capturing family portraits of the Wolman clan... even if they didn't want it. lol.
• Speeding fine on the way home, not that i want to remember being pulled over by highway patrol. asses. still don't know the status of my licence.
• The tumbleweed at the BP
  
• Missing the sheparton exit
• Dying Jen's hair... and realising how knotty her hair can get. damn rang's lol!
  

Miss Pole Dance Victoria 2011
Attending MPDV the other night with my very own Twin Miss KDB, and El joined us there. I'm completely loving pole... I shall be a pole mole for life... no if buts or doubts about it. Was very excited to see my very own teacher Miss Filly compete... and she was amazing. She even came second runner up! PDMP REPRESENT! :D

Elica is my very special pole mole whom I love dearly... when I started pole it was all me, but it's so nice to have someone to share it with too... El & I do spin together, and we love it, comparing notes on our static moves at the end of class too... hehe. One of the main reasons we've clicked so well is coz we're both so passionate about pole, and think EXACTLY the same when it comes to our goals... and this girl has rhythm too... i love that. (it's probably her music background :P)
Passed Intermediate 1 on Monday... so stoked. Even got a perfect score :D Have Beginners Spin grading tomorrow night... I'm pretty confident I'll be okay... *fingers crossed* So since passing Inter 1 static I plan to move into Inter 2, and hopefully after passing Beg Spin I'll also be doing Inter 1 spin next term too... along with Flex & Power of course... I'm loving both of these, my splits are getting so much closer to what I was when I begun only a few months ago, just need to crack that muscle that's stopping me... and power, well that always kills me. haha.
Trang has been joining me at PDMP, after the first flex class she goes "OMG Flex is so hard... it's harder than power"... after Saturday when she joined me for Tania's power class she goes "OMG... when I said flex is harder than power I was comparing it to mine... She's (Tania) crazy"... my only response... "we're a crazy bunch at Moonee Ponds" LOL it's true!
For those of you who don't know I did end up getting my XPOLE... I loves it dearly... finally starting to get it scratched up and less slippery than when it was brand new, unfortunately for me, those shoes I ordered from the US became discontinued... so they are the ones that got away. BOO!

After MPDV Miss K and I snuck over to Cupcake Central's storefront that's opening soon to try and break in... we lucked out. Boo. Guess we'll just have to wait :(

Career
Work has been great, the events are a bit slow at the moment, but that's a given due to the shitty weather and season in general... learning the in's and out's which is great, getting a lot of xmas functions already and even weddings for next year that I love dealing with.
I've become great friends with some of the girls that work there, especially Bre.. we've become quite close, we work together during the week a lot, and it's just us, then end up going out for coffee after and have a chat/gasbag/bitch about everything and anything. We've clicked really well so I have a feeling she'll be in my friend bank for ages... speaking of friends...

Friends
Caught up with the Tabcorp Ladies a couple of weeks back, was so good to see them, have dinner and a few drinks, and a massive gasbag about everything Tabcorp related. Even though I've left it's always going to be a big part of my life, I lived breathed eat and slept that place for so long, so it's hard not to have an attachment... glad to see some of the girls are still happy there, but slightly glad as well that they miss the way it used to be too :)
Old friends have been contacting me lately which I love, trying to find the time to catch up with everyone that I miss so much, as you get older it's so much harder to find the time.... everyone's got their own commitments! But we'll get there...
I've had recent news (some more extremely recent than others) that two of my best girls are leaving... One being my best friend, my JBird and the other being my one and only twinny Miss K... it makes me sad, only because I won't be able to catch up with them as much as I want to, the random times that I miss them, or the random times I feel like doing something I can only do with them. The only good thing is, that I know no matter where they are, we're always going to be BFF/Twins... and that everything will always stay the same. Otherwise I'll be on their arses! I love you girls like you'll never know... and if you do, GOOD! :D
But seriously... I'm really proud of you both, I just want you to know that. I admire you for both taking the steps that you need to to fulfill your dreams, find yourself and do what you need to for you, even if it may not be what I want, or what anyone else wants, hold your head up high. I love you, and forever will. You know I'm always here. xxx

Life
So from reading this blog post so far you should come to the conclusion that life is good... and it is... there's also a little someone else... and he makes me extremely happy... Peanuts! <3

~ theee mizzmai

Inspiring & Empowering

I've fallen in love with this poem that Trang posted as a comment to my latest post 'Me Myself & I'
I think it's inspiring, motivation and a true expression of how I feel. Thanks Lady. Woke up this morning invigorated and empowered =]

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t always mean security

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn…

Veronica A. Shoffstall

Me Myself & I

Learning a lot about myself these days, I guess it's one of those years, 2010 has been my year for growth, wisdom, life lessons and eye openers.
Relationships have always been something that I have constantly struggled with, being in long term relationships one after the other since I was 15, other relationships such as family and the big issues has always been friends.
These days my relationships have been stronger than ever, I have a best friend, whom I love like no tomorrow, we always joke that we're each others soul mates, and we should eventually just marry each other. It's true. We make each other happy, like no one else could... what else can I say, she beats my drum hard ;] I value my friendships, and cherish the ones that are two ways, and I've learnt how to prevent myself from being hurt from those that don't. It's true what they say, that the most memorable life lessons are sometimes the most painful, because they are the ones you vow to yourself to never repeat the same mistake again.

A recent learning curve I've experience is beginning to be able to reflect, and see my self-worth. I used to be the type of person who regarded myself as an independent person, but really wasn't. I needed someone there, to love me, to nurture me, to value me. I realise now I don't need that anymore.
I am me, I am an independent woman, and I do what I want, because I want to, and because it's what I love, and I don't need to explain my actions to anyone, it's my life, and I have realised I am living for me, and no one else.

I updated my facebook status the other day, but facebook has a character limit. I couldn't fully express what was really on my mind, so I'm going to put it here on my blog.
This entry isn't in anyway meant to be spiteful or hurtful, but for me, an empowerment of how far I have come as a young woman, and how I feelI am growing into a strong independent woman. People have always claimed I am beyond my years, I guess I now understand what they mean.


you can't expect to have me in your life when it suits you, i won't come running when you call. i value myself too much to put myself through it anymore. i tried being there, through everything, but it just won't work.. you can't build a relationship this way.
i'm a different woman to how i was before, i'm stronger, smarter & have come to realise that i deserve better than second best.
i deserve the world, and at one stage, you were mine. but i was foolish to think that standing by you one day, maybe i'd be yours. but now you've realised that it's too late... it's a shame, because what we had, was something special. ♥
you'll always have a place in my heart, but i've realised that my heart belongs to me.


A song i've always really loved, and has always spoken to me is Beyonce's "Me, Myself & I" ... I guess I finally truly understand what these lyrics mean.

Everything Happens For A Reason

Life has been good for me lately... I've just finished my exams (fingers crossed I did okay), coming up to a new term at Pole Divas - in which I'm very excited to be challenged even further, ordered - received and mounted my new XPOLE, been catch up with the BCCS Girls, rekindling friendships and living each day finding something new in myself as a person and as a strong independent woman.

Today has been one of those days where you realize that life isn't always a box of chocolates, and I've had those moments, where life isn't going the way you want it to. You just want a sign from the one above that everything will be okay, but you feel alone, worried and confused. Why is it happening to me? What did I do? etc. etc.
I've had an interest in quotes lately, thoughts from those many years ago, whose perspective is so knowledgeable that you can't help but live life by them. The most recent one I came across today spoke bells to current situations I know others are going through... and has had an adverse way to how I look at life.
I've always been one to live every moment to the fullest, to speak truths, enjoy my every passion and desire and to always strive for nothing but the best, because I believe, that is what I deserve... and to earn everything I believe I deserve in the process.

It saddens me that life will eventually end, as we all know, that good things must come to an end. But for some, the ending is too soon... fortunately for me I've never experience a loss of someone close to me, have come quite close, and the fear alone, frightens me to my very core, but I have been lucky enough to have never been struck.
I have always been a follower of God, in my younger years much more loyal than I am now, but I still believe His presence is still all around. This side of me many people don't know, or don't understand because I am the way I am. I'm loud, ambitious, bitchy, confident, sexual and extroverted. But that's the way I am, it's the way He made me.
I believe, as fkd up as it may be, that everything happens for a reason... as twisted as reasons may be, I live my life by the theory, that there is a purpose for how life turns out.
My thoughts are with those who are going through tough times <3


It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Life

Life is a little complex at the moment, but I'm reasonably happy... when I think about the positives though, it makes me smile.

Pole Dancing
So three weeks ago I decided to take the leap and enroll into pole dancing @ Pole Divas and I LOVE IT! Seriously addicted to everything about it. I'm currently saving up and making room in my bedroom to be able to get my own pole... and I should have it by the end of my exams! :]
My plan is to get to the highest levels... trust me that's going to take a while. But no pain no gain!
Another thing I love about pole is the excuse to buy new things! Cute pole skirts and fabulous pole heels! My first addiction to my pole shoe collection were neon pink uv... and of course, I ordered a purple tinted pair that are being shipped all the way from the US just for me :)

My BFF
Recently Jenna and myself took a road trip back to her home town Griffith. Jen and I have been friends for nearly three years now, and she's always constantly talked about home and it was so good to be able to finally understand and know where she grew up. Roadtrip itself was a blast... and reinforced our friendship and love for each other even more. This girl is my sister now, till the end and forever. <3
Full of sugar, maccas and music we grew up on like BSB, NSync, BWitched, MJ, 5ive, Britney and Celine... this made the 5-6 hour drive feel like nothing.
Griffith is a small town, with not much to do, but Jen and I drunk our way through it and survived, haha. We went out dancing, showing the Griffians how we do it Melbourne style, had Tara's birthday, which was a good night, and man, do Italian/Phillipino's know how to eat! Speaking of eating. That's one thing Jen and I know how to do... is eat!
Will always cherish the memories from our first roadtrip babe, and I love you a million purple things *kisses & cuddles*

Friends
I've always been one to try and surround myself with good people, those who make me smile, are there for me when I need them and who not only give as much as I do, but take what they deserve.
My Tabcorp girls are ones that always make me smile, and have the best of times with them, unfortunately due to our hectic uni schedules at the moment, as well as juggling work and our own personal lives it's been hard to catch up, but we'll get there.
Then there's the BCCS girls, Khrissa, Clare & Sheryl. Had a really good night out promoting Cupcake Central @ Studio Saturdays the other week... but for some reason asian's don't understand the concept of FREE, either that or they were skeptical that we were trying to sell them something lol! Last night I caught up with my twin, KDB, has a good gossip over some food and drinks then took some cake back to Moo Moo's house where we crashed her and Dhillion's romantic roast hehe. the more the merrier right? =P
K and Moo have been in my life for a while now, but we've never been close, but we're getting there. We're all very similiar, yet different, and I think that's why we enjoy our time together. Either that or I'm delusion.. but I think they feel the same :X
But honestly, these girls are my older sisters of our BCCS, and even though they're easties... I love em to pieces ;]



Career
As some of you may know I left Tabcorp Park in pursuit of other event opportunities. Unfortunately those opportunities haven't been working out... so now I'm moving on, yet again.
My new home away from home I'm loving, and have already been introduced into the Events, which I love. Loving the people I'm working with, such a nice crowd and personalities to boot. Lets cross those fingers that my career will take off a little faster than it did previously. =]



that's all for the moment, <3

love or loathe

there are some in which the following i question and subsequently make me feel a certain way...

betrayal

naive

anger

hurt

deception

lies

bitter

annoyed




then there are some that are unconditional, in the way i feel to them, and them to me...

love

understanding

kindness

sympathy

happiness

laughter

friendship

loyalty


to those who know who they are. i love you. you will always have a place in my heart.
to those that continuously hurt me, i've opened my eyes... no longer will i make excuses for you.

abdc season 5... and the winner is...

so another season gone and the winner has been decided!

but before i reveal the details lets continue from where we left off... some more favorite performances.

week six
top four crews group performance

i didn't really favorite any other performances from that week... beatfreaks has set the bar for me and noone else compares lol.

week seven
bluprint cru

poreotix


hype 5-0
have never really impressed me this season, but these guys brought the battle.


top two crews: poreotix & bluprint cru
neither final performance really wow'd me... although they were good. glad my top two made it to the finale though :)

blueprint cru: come to life


poreotix: tetreotix



week 8: finale
all the crews got together to rep the west, east and south. they came up with some good ish.

west coast


east coast


south coast



and the winner is...

POREOTIX!
repping the asians >.<"
their last performance was very fitting "I Made It"


can't wait till this weeks ABDC is out...
Champions for Charity - all past seasons winners hitting the stage for charity.
should be AWE-SUM! :D

new music

recently heard cascada released a new song "pyromania" and i'm loving it. i've always enjoyed that this group constantly releases albums with new songs and music, and their albums as a whole are always consistently catchy and dance esque.

another artist i'm excited is back is christina aguilera. the genie in a bottle has always been a favorite of mine, i've always seemed to enjoy her more than britney in fact, maybe coz she's always seem to have a distinct r&b edge to her. loving her new song "not myself tonight"... can't wait for her album BIONIC to be released. and i'm loving the look on the single cover. slutty devil. loves it! :)

jason DERUUUULLLLOOOOOOOOOO has been killing the airways, with all his songs and his self-titled debut album. i must admit it's not too bad... apart from the incecent "JASON DERRRRUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO" at nearly the beginnning of every song LOL. one of his songs that i am liking is "encore"... found this version on youtube and think it's adorable. haha.

on another note, sickness is killing me. i haven't been this sick is ages. i always get small bouts of sickness and they go away over time. but this, is eating away at me. and the meds, hot water bottles, bed rest and trashy tv can't cure me. damn weather. i blame the weather! i want summer back, and daylight savings. i've been in a warp world ever since we've changed back. 6pm feels like 9pm, 9pm feels like middnight. my whole world is out of whack. fml.

farewell to tabcorp park!

i am so freakingly tired and so unbelievably blah right now.
this is my story in short:
$120 in shots, two hours sleep and 7am start at work. FML!

in all my years of drinking, going out and random acts of fun i've never once suffered from what is commonly known as a "hangover".
waking up this morning i believe i broke that record... never in my life have i drunk so much. and not just drunk a lot, but hitting the hard stuff straight off the bat.
from what i remember drinking throughout the night including the following;
-woo woo cocktail (vodka, peach schnapps, soho)
-abc shot (absinthe, bacardi 151, chartreuse)
-malibu & pineapple
-dirty tequilla
-jagerbombs
-flaming lamborghini (kahlua, sambuca, baileys, blue curacao)

the flaming lamborghini definitely was a first, and fucked us up like no tomorrow. but that's the end of the night - lets start at the beginning.

left work around 5 and stopped by victoria gardens before heading to the bayview on the park. rach emma and myself stayed their previously for melbourne cup eve, their rates are really good, close to the city and excellent facilities. i really like it there.
so i had a shower while i was waiting for emma rach and hayley to make their way to the hotel to drop of their stuff and get ready.

we called a cab and made our way to cho gao @ melbourne central where veronica sarah and dave were already waiting. we ordered our food at the bar, got some drinks and the night had begun!
joining us shortly after came katie, karen, bianca, chris. after several shots and scaring the crowd at cho gao we moved to the lion bar where we got our dance on.
music was really good and we hit it at just the right time. easy access to the bar and some good looking bartenders doesn't hurt either :P
now i've never been one to forget when i drink, i remember everything and am usually the one telling the stories. but i've spent the whole day questioning "did that really happen?"
like this morning. i remembered something about facebook. logged on and saw my status. cracked up laughing because i remember doing it but didn't think i actually did.

my texting ability all day has been very similar to the above story. hitting the wrong buttons, unable to spell etc etc, and for anyone that knows me they know i'm a technological geek. this is how i realise how fucked up my state of mind is right now. so fucked that i bailed on shopping and dinner with the BCCS girls tonight... i'm sorry my lovelies but i know you're having fun regardless :)

my photowhoring abilities although present through the whole night became significantly weakened and the poses significantly less attractive. forgive me... but the fact that i can still function a camera pleases me.
something else that makes me laugh is remembering at the end of the night my gf throwing up in the middle of melbourne central. whilst i was rubbing her back and holding her hair back i claimed "if you throw up on my new shoes i swear we won't be friends anymore!" it makes me laugh that even in my most fucked up state of mind, i still care about my shoes LOL!
the security at lion are really nice, they helped us carry my gf out and got us all in a cab. there were some random guys too that had been following us most of the night, chatting up my gf's and what not who were also lending a helping hand. i'm sure they wanted to get into the cab with us too haha. dreams.

woke up this morning and the room was a mess. i had two gf's in the other bed and one curled up in a ball sleeping on the floor. wtf? >,< i lost myself in the car park, disorientated and still stunned at how smashed i was, i got in and drove to work. spent the whole day feeling like crap and not being able to eat anything (i think i may have had some bad chicken for dinner) and ended up going home early. water all day, and came home and had a huge greasy kebab. greasy food is the best after a night out may i say, it's why macca's makes so much in the hours from 12-5am, especially thursday - sunday nights.

ahhh such a fkn awesome night! i missed these tabcorp girls so much, we always have the best time together but this was one night that i'll never forget. best laughs ever.

my favorite party girls!


shots shots shots


posing "theee mizzmai" style!





everybody SMILE!




LOVE MY TABCORP BITCHES!! <3


flaming lamborghini~! look what it does...


drunken bathroom antics :)