*sigh*

just some thoughts that have come into my brain recently.
as you all know me and ben are planning a trip to new zealand together to celebrate the end of his bachelor's degree/his birthday/i've never been on a plane or overseas.
so i've started with the paperwork that is a passport application. bcoz i'm born after 86 i need my parent's proof of citezenship and blah blah. i went to my dad the other day to get these from him and told him about nz. happy he was not but told me that he can't really stop me.
his reasons for not wanting me to go include the following:

• i'm a girl, he's a boy.
  
• we're not engaged/married and therefore travelling together is not allowed.
• ben's parents will look down on me in shame because as a girl i should not be travelling with a boy that isn't me fiance/husband.
  
• he states he never said i could do this but i distinctly recall him last year replying "if you can save you can go whereever u like" > in reference to me and ben wanting to go to vietnam.

in reply i stated the facts that i'm old enough and should be allowed, ben's parents love me and don't think the way that he does about male/female relationships, and the fact that he gave me his blessing last year. come to think of it, i think he only gave me his blessing to shut me up and never ever thought i could save enough to go anywhere except in my car.

just a few hours ago i went off to the local post office to get my passport photos taken, no i shall not post a picture because it's hideous and i look like a fat square pumpkin. before i left my dad says "i need to talk to you later" and just a few minutes ago my older brother came over. i went out the back to take some trash out where i here my dad whispering "he's a boy, she's a girl" blah blah blah.
it really annoys me. i'm turning 21 this year and still got restrictions on my life. he always says i'm old enough but why doesn't he treat me like it.
my ammunition against this ridiculous ordeal:

• i have never stayed over anywhere since i was 15 and living with my mum, and rarely has it been with anyone except the cousins.
• i never went to schoolies after year 12.
• i can go clubbing like once a month if it's allowed and it's frowned upon if i'm home later than 3am.
• staying the night is out of bounds regardless of who it's with and the reasons for it.
• i suck up to do chores if i know a friend's birthday is coming up and i'll be out late.
• i leave ben's house at approx 11:40pm so i can get home before midnight. sometimes my dad still calls me at 10:30pm to ask why i'm not home yet.
• i pay for everything that i need. whether it be food, clothing, work expenses, car expenses and i even pay my own father for labour on my vehicle.
• i never ask a cent from him, if anything he always asks it from me because i pay the internet and i "haven't paid him this month yet"

this is one battle i'm not going to loose. i have every right to be able to be free and live my life. i can't be locked in a cage forever, and if it was up to me and i had enough money i'd be out of here so i could do just that.

*sigh*